Couldn't be
by AShadowsKiss
Summary: SCZ Cloud wanted to be a part of them, but he couldn't be. He wasn't worthy and it wasn't right, they belonged to each other and he had no business with their relationship. He wasn't going to let them break up because of him, no matter the cost.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Part 1 and Part 2 are actually the same story, written in different ways, personally I like 1 better but I wanted to upload 2 as well, so there.  
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII or its characters.

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I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe he talked me into this, into this sick joke. I love him I really do but why in the world did I agree? How can he do this to me? Or to him! Sephiroth doesn't deserve this; he's a nice man even though everyone always says he's not. They look so good together, but, Zack says he likes me, he says he loves me. But what about the General? He loves Zack and Zack is the only one that loves him, as far as he knows that is. Why is Zack letting me come between them?

I don't want to be the one to break them up; I don't want them to lavish me with attention if that means they are forgetting each other. I can't do this; I can't go with Zack tomorrow and meet Sephiroth, not like this. Zack says they talked about it, that they both want me to join them, that they both love me but… it can't be true. I'm neither worth their time nor their efforts, Zack shouldn't want to take care of me, I can take care of myself, as I always have. He should focus his attention on Sephiroth, who needs it.

Why doesn't he realize that Sephiroth is the best man for him? Doesn't he realize that Sephiroth can give him everything he ever wanted, every thing he deserves? Besides, Sephiroth deserves his happiness too. Since Commander Hewley died and Commander Rhapsodos disappeared he's been so lonely. I don't want this, I want to go home and rot in Hell like I deserve. I don't, I don't want to break them up, I don't want Sephiroth to be alone again, I don't want Zack to keep trying and failing to make Sephiroth smile. I want them both to smile; I want them both to be happy, I want them both to know what it feels like when you're loved.

So I left, in the middle of the night after Zack 'accidently' kissed me, before I could ruin anything between them, with nothing but a hand full of Gil and the clothes on my back. I didn't know where to go but anywhere was better then here, except maybe Nibelheim. I travelled through Kalm and went south-east until I bumped into a chocobo farm. I asked if I could stay the night if I helped them with work in the morning, I ended up never leaving.

They found me after four years of searching, even though I hadn't been trying to hide myself, I never thought they would come after me. It took me four years to realize that maybe I wasn't the worst thing in the world. It only took them a couple of days to make me come with them, to their home, my home.

So now I'm leaving again, this time though I'm riding between the loves of my life; Zack and Sephiroth on my own golden Chocobo. I picked out his parents, raised and trained him myself. He's my pride and joy and it took me four years of loving him before I realized I missed a normal human love in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

I met him about two years ago, we became friends immediately. I think he felt the need to take care of me and protect me from something but, I'm not sure. He was my first friend, the first person in the world to actually care about me other then my mother and she was obligated to love me. He told me stories about his other friends and about his missions and he told me how he was starting to become closer with the General. He told me he was falling in love with the man and I got sad just thinking about it. It took me a while to realize that I was jealous, not just because he felt like he was leaving me for the General, but because I wanted to be for him who the General apparently was. I wanted to be with him and later I realized I wanted to be with the General as well, I was terrified.

He introduced me to the General three weeks after they got together, he was nice to me. I wanted to threaten him that if it ever even crossed his mind to hurt him, I would hunt him down and kill him, but I couldn't. Instead I smiled and acted friendly and shy and pretended not to be the third wheel. They were a couple in every way they could be, and they didn't stop being like that just because it made other people feel uncomfortable. From that day on he invited me more often to date like meetings with the General and slowly the General and I became friendly enough with each other to talk a bit even when he wasn't nearby. It was weird to be in that position because I felt like third wheel and I was jealous of both of them, I didn't know what to do and then all of a sudden, he made the choice for me.

Five months after the first time I met the General, Zackary Fair kissed me right in front of his lover; Sephiroth.

I shoved him away and ran all the way back to the barracks. For so long I had been hiding my affection and then out of the blue he decides to do something about it. He cornered me the next day, dragged me all the way up to the Generals office and we talked. He apologized for kissing me, they both said they wanted me to join them and, I accepted.

I became a part of them and for a while it felt great. I was loved and adored and most of all accepted the way I was by two men who could have everything and they chose me. It was wonderful, until I started to notice some things. When I was with them, it was all about me, it was as if they forgot the other was their too. I felt guilty so I canceled out meetings more and more often. I had listened to him talking about the General and how much he loved him so many times, I had seen the look in the Generals eyes whenever he was around, and I wasn't going to ruin that. They were my best friends and all I wanted was for them to be happy, so I shoved my own desires and whishes aside. I left.

I packed my bags in the middle of the night and snuck out. I dropped of my resignation form on my sergeant's desk where I knew he would find it and left ShinRa academy. I had to walk all the way to Kalm since I didn't have enough money to ride the train, take a cab or travel aboard a couriers van. It took me two days and the innkeeper let me stay there for free one night out of pity. I left Kalm the next morning.

I didn't exactly know where I was going but it had to be far away from Midgar and anything that wasn't Nibelheim. I travelled for three days before I reached a small farm with chocobo's standing in a paddock. Before I knew what I was doing I had climbed over the fence and I was cuddling one of them, a guy came up to me and told me they were looking for a help with taking care of the birds.

I accepted and worked, lived and loved with the birds for four years, until they found me.

Apparently they had been looking for me all this time and now they had finally found me. In those four years there hadn't been a day I hadn't thought about them and I missed them so much. I had realized by now that maybe they hadn't been ignoring each other for me but that they were trying to make me feel comfortable with them. When they saw me he hugged me and kissed me immediately while the General was standing behind him with a smile on his face. He just threw me in the General's arms after he was finished with me and the General kissed me as well. They easily convinced me to come live with them so I quit my job at the stables and although Billy was sad to see me go, he understood.

I drove back with Zack and Sephiroth, on my very own golden chocobo whom I had raised and trained myself, to Midgar and got ready to restart my life.


End file.
